Mr Toad's Wild Ride

Disneyland used to, and maybe still does, have a ride called Mr Toad's Wild Ride. I find when I get nostalgic, I don't have to look very far to find the same moment all over again. An example . . .

As C and I strolled into the airport in Hong Kong we were immediately impressed by it's beauty and architectural acumen. Much like other things in that wonderous city the airport is a testament to modern engineering. Built on it's own island, it encompasses the world's largest room, an entire shopping mall, and a massive bridge to get there. We merrily strolled to our gate, only to be quickly plucked from our smiley state by India Airlines. Our flight was delayed, hardly the appropriate word, I'd have used postponed, for ten hours!

So I can now report on nearly every store in the Hong Kong shopping complex and where the fine dining may be found. We tried on clothes, we toured the history of the airport, we ate Krispy Kreme ( they have Mandarin orange donuts - for Chine get it ). Through it all we maintained our cool though, good thing because the flight was still delayed resulting in a wait from around 1 in the afternoon to 2:30 in the morning before we finally boarded Air India.

Oh Air India, how do I describe thee, let me count the ways. As soon as your board the plane you're confonted by a sort of spicy bathroom smell. The plane as a whole appears to have been plcuked from one of my childhood flights in the late eighties and rematerialized here as a woeful modern conveyance. As we took off the plane was full of loud whines and grating fans much like my bathroom fan at home on a supercharged scale. This did help drown out the dozen babies or so, but not really. Not to be dissuaded from their jobs, Air India decided to run this midnight run as the afternoon flight it had missed. So whilst trying desperately to recoop some of the lost hours of sleep C and I didn't have, they served a meal, played a badly tracked VCR tape ( three actually), and the captain announced various things you could see out the window. All the the lights ON! The final kicker, at the end of the flight, they announced that they were going to spray 'a harmless substance into the air, please don't be alarmed' - they then proceeded to whip through the cabin filling it with a strange spray. It could have been Febreeze or DDT I'll never know, since we're never flying India Air again. Ever, ever, ever.

And so we land in India. Bleary eyed and crazed we hop off the plane not sure wha to expect. Our hotel is waiting to pick us up, but that's really all we know. The facilities quickly expose themselves in a drab little ballet. Lights are hanging by their cords, paint has spattered and facades are misaligned everywhere. I thought perhaps I'd landed in an abandoned paint factory in Oakland instead. As we waited for our bags we concluded that the airport was indeed truly shabby, but wondered what awaited us outside. Our name was on a card at the disembark and away we go. I'll endeavour to convey the speed we experienced this at too.

Out the door. The fog is so think and dense it smells like smoke. The sun hasn't risen yet but there's a crowd of people so thick outside the airport we have to wind our way through. People are sleeping on the street, some our bandaged, some have no shoes. We get to the car, it's in a rocky dirt patch. The car takes off, the road is lumpy and we're barrleing along. Indian traffic, oh how to I give India traffic its justice. Hair raising isn't right, panicky isn't right. Our driver would manueveer through any crack or window in the laneless panic that is the streets, mothers and sons running through moving cars, centimeteres from the car in front and the stone wall to your left at full speed. Horns honking constantly, oh we go over the dirt here, and around into oncoming traffic there. Its just beyond anything you're willing to call sanity.

Finally whipped into our hotel, we sleep. Terrified of what might present itself, we awake to calm requests of breakfast - our host is a lovely informed guide as to our plans for the day - and there are even some American friends to help us. The manic ride screeches to a stop and we're off today to enjoy India.